I've written about this many times before, but it bears repeating: The thoughts that involve "I" usually cause some level of suffering. Notice the types of thoughts the word "I" is involved in: "I don't like…." "I never…." "I always…." "I can't…." Occasionally, thoughts with "I" or "me" in them are functional, neutral, and benign. But more often a story about the me follows "I," and that story often depicts some shortcoming or problem that needs to be solved. These stories and "problems" are the ego's spin on ourselves and life. They are how the ego defines us and life. They are a small story that can never encompass the whole truth about ourselves and life. And they are usually a negative story, one that makes us feel bad.

If you don't like the ego's stories or definition or if they make you feel bad, you don't have to take them on as yours. They are your ego's stories and definitions, but they are not yours. You get to choose the stories you tell about yourself, others, and life. You get to define yourself. This is a very empowering realization: You are the master of your self-image! If you don't take mastery over it, the ego will continue to define you and tell its stories of woe and negativity. And you will live out those definitions and stories unconsciously.

The truth is, you don't even need a self-image to exist and function. Self-images are created by the ego and are, in fact, what make up the ego. If you don't like your self-image, then create a different one, or better yet, move beyond all self-images and other mental constructs. You don't need ideas about yourself or others to be alive, to be happy, and to function beautifully in this world. Your self-images have often limited you and interfered with your happiness, so why buy into them and maintain them?

We have self-images and believe them because we are given them, in a sense. They are our programming, and they will define us and affect our experience of life for as long as we are unconscious of them. Once we become conscious of our self-images, we can become free of them or create ones that are truer, ones that are more aligned with our true nature. Once we do that, we can live from a different place, a freer, kinder, happier place because our true nature is happy, loving, and content.

If you want to be happy, loving, and content, discover the thoughts that keep you from feeling happy, loving, content, and at peace with life. See through them—see their falseness and say no to them. Say no to the mental reality the ego attempts to create. You really don't have to live in that world once you become more conscious of your "I" thoughts, where those thoughts come from (the ego—your programming), how they limit you—and how untrue they are. That is halfway to freedom. The other half is recognizing who you really are, which is possible once the mind is quiet. So first recognize who you are not, and then it's much easier to recognize who you really are. This is the essence of the spiritual path—discovering the false with us and uncovering our true nature.

Gina Lake is a spiritual teacher who is devoted to helping others wake up and live in the moment through her many books, counseling, and intensives. She has a master's degree in counseling psychology and over twenty years experience supporting people in their spiritual growth. Her website offers information about her books and consultations, free e-books, book excerpts, a free monthly newsletter, a blog, and audio and video recordings: http://www.radicalhappiness.com.