The egoic mind is obsessed with its story about how life is going for me. Have you noticed? It’s always checking to see how things are going for me and adjusting its story about my life accordingly. When something “good” happens, the story is a good one; when something “bad” happens, the story turns bad. On some days the story of me is going great, while on others it takes a terrible turn! This telling of stories turns life into a rollercoaster: One minute you’re up (happy), and one minute you’re down (unhappy), depending on how your story is going or on what specifics in your story you are focusing on.

When the moment is stripped of any story about how your life is going, then life is pretty simple and uncomplicated. Things are arising in the moment—sensations, thoughts, sights, sounds, intuitions, inspirations, urges to act, desires, and feelings. All of those things are life happening. We respond or not respond to these things, and that is part of life happening as well. Part of what shows up in most moments is also some kind of thought about how things are going. Often it’s a story about not having something, wanting something, or not wanting to do or experience something. Even when the story is a good one—“Things are going great,” “I’m making lots of money,” “I’m feeling wonderful,” “I have everything I want”—there is still only real life, showing up the way it does, as sensations, thoughts, sights, sounds, intuitions, inspirations, urges to act, desires, and feelings. The same things need to get done (e.g., take a shower, do the laundry, go to the store, walk the dog, do your work, etc.) whether your story about how life is going is a good one or a bad one.

Most would agree that a good story is preferable to a bad one. Good stories make us feel good, and bad ones make us feel bad. Stories color our experience of real life: When our story is good, we don’t mind taking a shower, doing the laundry, going to the store, and doing all the other things that are part of real life, part of the moment. We feel happier and act more loving when our story about how our life is going is a good one. When our story is a bad one, whatever is showing up in life tends to feel like a burden and a problem, even things that might not ordinarily be. We resist life. We feel bad, and we are likely to behave badly toward others.

What we may not realize is that we have some choice about our stories. They may show up unbidden by us, but we don’t have to buy into them, once we have some awareness of them. We don’t have to believe them. We can see that they are only the mind’s stories and have little to do with real life. These stories serve no purpose, really. What good is it to evaluate life? But that’s just what egoic minds do. They declare something is good or bad. They have a black and white view of life, which leaves out life’s beauty and complexity. When we stop identifying with these stories (when we stop owning them and assuming they reflect the truth), they stop influencing our behavior and our experience of real life. This results in peace and equanimity as opposed to the emotional roller coaster the egoic mind takes us on.

The only reason a good story (e.g., “Everyone likes me,” “I’m so lucky,” “I have the greatest job,” “I have plenty of money,” “I look great!”) makes life better than a bad story is that it allows us to relax and finally enjoy life the way it is. The story itself doesn’t make us happy—at least not for long, not in any enduring way. It’s just that a good story makes it easier than a bad story to drop into Essence, where the happiness of our true nature can be experienced. Good stories help us move out of bad stories, which keep us tied to the egoic mind, where we remain in suffering.

When we are believing a bad or sad story, we usually end up focused on trying to fix the problem described by the story and fix the negative feelings that the story has created, without realizing that the egoic mind is the creator of that story—and that problem. The mind made the story and the problem up! There is actually no problem, just the egoic mind defining something as a problem! Our stories don’t actually reflect real life. They are just stories—beliefs strung together. Our minds love to tell stories! But that doesn’t make them real, true, or worthy of our attention. No story is ever real or true. Life is much too complex, ever-changing, and mysterious to be captured by any story that our mind might tell.

The funny thing about good stories—for example, “The money is pouring in”—is that even when that story is true, it doesn’t change a thing about this moment (real life still unfolds as it will), although a good story may allow you to relax and rejoice in this moment. But the truth is that you don’t need a good story in order to relax and rejoice in this moment; you only need to put all stories in their proper place—in the background—and see them for the insignificant and untrue thoughts that they are and just enjoy whatever is showing up in real life and do whatever you are called on to do in the moment. All there is, is now—this moment—and whatever is showing up in it. This moment can be hell or heaven, depending on what stories you are telling and how much attention you give them.

Our stories about how our life is going aren’t real. They are just stories. If they helped us function better, I’d say, “Keep them!” But they don’t. Instead, they do the opposite. And most of all, they make us unhappy. Real happiness is experienced when we move out of all stories and out of the me into this very real moment. When we are not involved in the me and the stories it’s spinning about itself and its life, or when those tales are not given attention, then it’s possible to experience life just as it is—and life is always good.

Gina Lake is a spiritual teacher who is devoted to helping others wake up and live in the moment through her many books, counseling, and intensives. She has a master's degree in counseling psychology and over twenty years experience supporting people in their spiritual growth. Her website offers information about her books and consultations, free e-books, book excerpts, a free monthly newsletter, a blog, and audio and video recordings: http://www.radicalhappiness.com.