Making things more important than they are is one way the ego keeps us out of the present moment. This is particularly apparent when something truly significant happens, like when we or someone close to us nearly dies or experiences a crisis. Crises and death put the other things the ego magnifies in importance into perspective. The ego doesn't have perspective, which is one reason we suffer when we are identified with it. Its perspective is narrow: Life is good when we are getting what it wants and bad when we aren't.

The trouble is the ego's desires aren't a good guide for what is important in life or for what will make us happy. And the ego often overlooks what might really make us happy, such as taking time to just be, connect with loved ones, or do something fun or creative. The ego tends to drive us to achieve, improve ourselves, and get more things. While there is obviously a place for doing those things, focusing exclusively on what the ego wants can leave us feeling empty, disconnected from life, exhausted, and never having or being enough.

The ego tells us that we have to have certain things or be a certain way to be happy, and it's wrong—we don't. It also assumes that every step in its plan for happiness has to work out or the plan will be ruined, and we will never be happy. Every little difficulty we encounter is felt to be proof of failure and a reason to be unhappy rather than a natural part of the process of life unfolding. Every action and event is examined from the standpoint of whether it will get the ego what it wants or interfere with that. The ego has many goals, and it sees events in life as either helping or hindering it toward those goals. If something helps, that's good, and a happy life seems possible. If something hinders, that's bad, and a failed and unhappy life is assumed to be our destiny.

The suffering begins with an evaluation of something as good or bad, followed by a story of what that will mean: being a success or failure, being happy or unhappy, being loved or lonely, having ease or having to struggle, being rich or being poor. The ego thinks in terms of black and white, never shades of gray, and life just isn't like that. The ego's reality is black and white, but real reality is messy, complex, unpredictable, and no one story we can tell about it is true. The ego doesn't like that, of course. It likes its stories of good and bad, and the drama and suffering they cause. It likes its stories because they give it a false sense of security, a sense of knowing how life is. The ego isn't looking for truth; it just wants a story it can believe so that it can pretend it knows how and where life is going.

The ego is in the business of creating suffering because suffering keeps us tied to the ego and allows the ego to exist. If you stopped suffering, you would no longer be identified with the ego, and it would stop existing. You would stop experiencing yourself as the me who has this problem and that problem, this desire and that goal, this self-image, and that past. The ego only exists as a story about you. Nothing else. So that story better be a dramatic one, or we will lose interest and drop out of our mind and into the present moment, where the ego disappears.

The ego has quite a racket going: It makes even small things a life and death matter to keep us involved with it. If something is important and it's going wrong, which is the ego's basic story, then we'd better pay attention to the ego's solution for fixing it, or we will really have a problem. The ego keeps our attention with its stories, with dealing with the feelings those stories cause, and with the actions needed to make those stories turn out better. Yes, it has quite a racket going.

Meanwhile, life is happening in its own way and in its own time, and we are missing out on what is really going on because we are busy trying to make life turn out the way the ego wants. Most people's lives are about getting their story to turn out the way they want, regardless of what the Intelligence behind life might have in mind. People suffer so much when their ego's desires don't match what life brings them, and that suffering is so unnecessary. The ego's desires are created by the ego. Why build your life around them, when something much deeper is at play, living and directing your life? You might miss what Essence is moving you to do if you are too busy being moved by the ego.

You can live your life as the ego intends or as Essence intends, and most people's lives are a combination of the two. Paying attention to the ego's stories and what's important to it, however, often brings a lot of pain. The ego tells sad and scary stories most of the time, and if you listen to it, you will organize your life to ward off what the ego fears instead of enjoying the life Essence can create through you.

To the ego, life is a battle it's trying to win, and every little difficulty feels like a threat to its self-image, life, and happiness. But that is its perspective. To Essence, life is an experience to be enjoyed, an opportunity for exploration, discovery, growth, love, and service. Who is there to battle with? The ego tilts at windmills. When we know ourselves as the Oneness, it's a friendly universe, where we welcome and accept challenges (including the challenge of having an ego), not as our enemy, but as our friend, or at least our teacher.

When we are happy and aligned with Essence, the unimportant, small things in life stay small. They are seen in proper perspective. Essence gives us back our perspective, which is a very good reason to align with it rather than the ego. When we do, life becomes easier, not because anything has changed, but because our perspective has.

Gina Lake is a spiritual teacher who is devoted to helping others wake up and live in the moment through her many books, counseling, and intensives. She has a master's degree in counseling psychology and over twenty years experience supporting people in their spiritual growth. Her website offers information about her books and consultations, free e-books, book excerpts, a free monthly newsletter, a blog, and audio and video recordings: http://www.radicalhappiness.com.